Edward vs Seras
by InkDeath
Summary: Edward claims to be a vampire, and wants to prove it. Anderson and Alucard put Edward and Seras up to some tests to see if Edward is anything like a vampire. Sort of pairing between Seras and...read on and find out :P
1. Vampire? Ha!

Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.

Edward is before Alucard taking his judgment as a vampire.

* * *

"You are so not a vampire! What, are you kidding me? You honestly call yourself a vampire?" Laughing hysterically, Alucard begins to choke, it's too much...

"I am a vampire! I drink blood, make teenage girls swoon and everything!"

"Sure, sure, Edward Cullen, _sure…_"

"I'll prove it to you then!"

"Fine, I'll just call in a favor just to prove to you that you aren't a vampire." He pulls out his cell phone, "Yes, Anderson? It's Alucard…Don't freak out! I'm only asking for a small favor…what? Sure…yes, yes, I'll let you decapitate me again…just get over here. We have someone who is claiming to be a vampire…haha, yes, Edward Cullen, you were right." He snapped his cell phone shut. "This will prove it.


	2. Holy Water

Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.

* * *

"All right then!" Anderson clapped his gloved hands together. "Just go stand in that there tub o' water o'er there, now will ye?"

Edward removed his shirt and stood in the water. "Ok, there you go. Stood in the water."

Alucard was having trouble breathing, he was laughing so hard, and he hid himself behind Anderson as his sides bust open from the sight.

"That's holy water you're a standing in!" Anderson barked. "Now make the sign of the cross with ye fingers and the water."

Edward slowly did what he was told, with no affect.

Alucard was on the ground, smacking the floor with his fist. "That's suicide! _If you're a vampire that is!_" Then he wiped the tears from his eyes, "Seras! Come here and do what mister Cullen did."

"No, no, no, no…Seras whimpered, "Please…"

"Shirt." Alucard made one of his signature smiles.

Anderson shook his head, "I'm a priest, she can't do that 'ere."

"Fine." Alucard rolled his eyes.

Seras put her foot in the water, and then shrieked. "It burns!"

"Do it, Seras!"

With a leap Seras jumped in, then just as quickly jumped and dashed away through the nearest wall. "I'm burning! I'm burning! HELP!!! AAHHH!!"

Alucard snickered at Edward. "That's what real vampires feel in holy water."


	3. Silver Spoon

Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.

* * *

"Take this spoon." Anderson held out the spoon to Edward. He took it. "What do I do with it?"

"Put it in your mouth."

Edward did it.

"That's a silver spoon!"

Edward spit it out, "Ouch!"

"Faker!" Alucard pointed his finger at the Cullen, "And you're a horrible actor."

Anderson held the spoon out to Seras, "Take ye gloves off first."

"D'oh." Seras slowly removed the gloves, "Why am I the guanine pig and not Alucard?" She growled.

Alucard laughed once, "Because I'm the master, and master says mutilate yourself in front of the poser."

Seras gulped and took the spoon with two fingers. "AIIII!" She dropped it and sucked her two smoking fingers. Alucard picked it up with his gloved hands and stuffed it into his fledgling's mouth. Her scream was too high pitched for words and Anderson lost his hearing in one ear.

She spit it out. "Aluard!" Her tongue sounded like it had gone missing. "Ou uck!"

"I what?" Alucard put his hand to his ear.

"My ungue iz elting!"

"You thong in melting?"

"My ungue iz mehting!!"

"Your thong? Really? Can I see?"

"Ervert!" Seras screamed before she ran out of the room.

Alucard turned to Edward, who was glaring now at Alucard. "See, vampires are neither immune to silver nor abstinent, unlike you."


	4. Garlic

Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.

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"Drink the soup." Anderson pointed to the bowl before the Cullen 'vampire.'

He put it in his mouth, and then slowly spit it out, "I can't eat it…"

"At least you have _that_ going for you!" Alucard cackled.

Anderson turned to Seras, "Drink the soup."

Seras eyed the spoon.

"It's not silver." Anderson promised.

She slowly put the soup in her mouth, and then she dropped the spoon and grabbed her throat, coughing, chocking, and gasping for air.

Anderson pushed his glasses up on his face. "There is garlic in that soup."

Seras fell out of her chair, gasping and coughing.

"She needs CPR!" Alucard jumped down to where she lay chocking. She stood up quickly, still grasping her throat. "Get…. away…f-from me!" She gasped as she ran away through a wall.

Alucard grinned down on Edward. "That's how a real vampire reacts to garlic."


	5. The Bible

Edward vs. Seras

I do not own Hellsing or Twilight, this is purely fan made.

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"Here, read this." Anderson handed Edward a card. "Read it…aloud."

"Hey, what is that?" Alucard looked at the card warily, "Tell me what that…arg!"

Edward stopped, "Um…what is this?"

Anderson smiled as Alucard hit his head against the floor, covering his ears, "Make it stop!"

"Unholy demons, such as vampires, can't listen to the Holy Word of God being read aloud." Then he handed the card to Seras, as she appeared from the wall behind Alucard, glancing at her master warily, "Read."

"Um…ok. 'For he so loved the…' ahhh!" She dropped the card and covered her eyes. They were smoking. "Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Edward stared at the two vampires cringing and yelling in pain. "Look, if your testing to see if I'm a vampire and I am immune to all this stuff that hurts them, doesn't that make me stronger than they are?"

"No," Anderson grinned nastily as Alucard started muttering about how he was going to rip the priest limb from limb, "It just proves you're a blood sucking fairy."

Edward flinched.


End file.
